My philosophy on beauty and what makes you beautiful.

What makes one considered beautiful? With a simple google search, it’s quite clear that there’s an apparent subjective approach that enables others to categorize women into finite boxes that require several checkmarks in order for them to be deemed “beautiful,” other than One Direction’s classic hit of course. Whether it’s by facial symmetry or having an hourglass figure, beauty has been equated to a complex standard of physical attractiveness. 

This isn’t new news, but I constantly wonder why I myself still battle with this concept when I know that beauty is inherently subjective. Why do I rely so heavily on the opinions of others in lieu of compromising my worth as a woman to succumb to a standard and spiral into a soul-sucking period of self-loathing that no amount of chocolate+extra pb can cure? Because it’s easy. Sadly, it’s easier to fall prey to self-hate than it is to fall hard head-over-heels in love with ourselves. 

From personal life experience and my wonderful liberal arts education that I paid a pretty penny for, I’ve come to know love as something unconditional, rather, a practice of acceptance and tolerance. Love to me is a personal and sacred journey that is a testament to our faith in a higher power that connects us all as humans and part of nature. I’m speaking about love in this sense rather than cathartically. This is what I return to when I see darker days and even on sunny days. Being in a constant state of gratitude always fuels me with positive energy to conquer hardships that may come in between me and feeling true happiness. 

I’ve always struggled with the concept of beauty because ever since I was young I was told and lead to believe that I was ugly and unwanted. Growing up in a bicultural environment, I felt incredibly lost when it came to finding my identity. I was always never white enough or Asian enough and having been rejected by my loved ones and community it had left me with a natural desire for affliction. Constantly feeding false dichotomies, and building my mental lexicon around socially contrived ideals not only lowered my self-esteem and confidence but limited my capacity to experience life and beauty that was happening right in front of my eyes. 

The other day while I was shuffling through old photos at my parent’s house, nostalgia hit me in the face with so many feelings of pain, sadness, love, and happiness. A wide range really. While I was cringing so hard over my poor tom-boyish fashion and awful bangs, a smile ran across my face because I remembered who I was at the time and who I wanted to be. At the time, I was tormented for my broken English, being overweight and four-eyed. Boys would never sit next to me because I was too big and thought I’d crush them and the girls would chuckle away at my acne-prone skin and oversized hand-me-down clothes, but I eventually had gotten over it. The profound realization lied in my strength to see past my looks and stay true to who I was despite the odds stacked against me. I gave up on the thought of being beautiful or desirable by shifting my focus. Instead, I focused on things that gave me joy, on things that made me feel strong, and on things that gave me a sense of purpose. I poured my heart and soul into my love for science, books, music, cooking, and baking, and being a better person for my friends and family. I didn’t care about what I looked like or what others thought about me. All I cared about was serving others, being a kind and compassionate human bean and consistently honing in on my skills and hobbies. 

My obsession and quest for beauty only started in high school when my friends gave way towards trends and social media. Due to my involvement in sports, I swapped out my thick-framed glasses for contacts and pursued a great desire to fit in like the rest of society. I woke up at the ass crack of dawn to straighten out my long curly locks, line half my eyelid with black liner ready to strut the hallways in my oversized flannel and black high-tops to look like a “cool” kid. While I acted normal, that was farther from the truth; I never felt so alienated and distant from my peers and myself than in that period of time in my life. I was living a facade that unfortunately carried through my college days until I met my roommate Phoebe. Phoebe was different. She was a warm, down-to-earth soul and free-spirited type of chick that cared very little of what people thought. I’m talking like “I’m wearing sweats every day and I don’t care if I look like a smurf today because this is what I feel like.” (Fun fact, she and I lived a block away from one another growing up, lost all contact and never saw each other’s face until lunch senior year of high school when we discussed college plans and found out that we decided to go to the same school.) Thank god I decided to live with her! Even though she may say that I changed her for the better, the reality is that she saved this girl’s life. Dramatic I know, but she showed me what true love felt like, rekindled me and my many passions, and reminded me how great of a person I was sans the corporeal self. She loved me for who I was wholly and completely and I will be forever grateful. When I surrounded myself with amazing people who shared this mentality, it allowed space for me to grow into a better version of myself. During this time, I focused on wellness over vanity and became so much healthier mentally and physically. And this is when I felt the most beautiful. What Phoebe gave me and what I gave myself is just that, true love. 

True beauty is the purest kind of love. The wonderful qualities and traits that make you, you, are what make you beautiful because they are something that no one can ever take away from you. And when I struggle with comparative thoughts I return to this. Everyone is beautiful because everyone has different qualities and idiosyncrasies that allow them to experience their personal journey on this earth. So when you’re struggling to find beauty in yourself or the world, change your perspective by focusing on your qualities that you bring to the table and leave the world a little better than when you found it. ☺